I see you too

For as long as I can remember, I have been living an invisible life

doing all that I can to remain unnoticed,

unremarkable and unseen.

Never shining, never garnering laurels,

I worked, ascended, but only so high.

I made acquaintances of my friends,

settled for much less.

Quietly my soul shrank into a shadow life,

an occasional glimpse of the divine, fleeting, transitory, meaningless.

Of course the irony was that all the while I was hiding,

I was in plain sight, obvious, evident, visible to all those that chose to look.

And when I came to my senses,

and my heart pushed open,

through the fortress of my chest,

when the door to my soul opened,

and a beam of light shone in,

the face I saw through the crack was yours.

And then I realized, you had always known, always seen,

and when what you saw was me, you hadn't looked away,

but instead, quite remarkably, unexpectedly,

you smiled, a soft and knowing smile, as if to say

"there you are...I've been waiting for you".

To be seen, to be known, to be loved,

the thing I ran from so fast, so far,

buried myself under,

it was there,

all the while,

all my effort was mere charade,

a child in a monster suit, a puff of smoke, a spirit in the night,

I fooled no one but myself.

And what now?

Here I am, laid bare, with my wet stain heart thumping its new rhythm,

unstable on my new legs,

blinded with my new eyes,

a hatchling, scrubbed clean, naked.

To you I may be just one more girl with adoring eyes,

but to me, you are an elixir,

the new air I breathe, the dewdrop on the grass,

the pause between lightening and thunder,

the face of G-d.

I want to drink you in,

pour you over me, glide naked in you,

submerge myself in your grace.

I want to possess you, and have you possess all of me.

It is but mere fantasy, a crush, a new, first love.

For what I see is not in fact you, it is me, mirrored in you.

Your compassion is my compassion, your tenderness is my tenderness,

your love but a reflection of mine.

You have seen me and my soul has found its home.

And now that I have found you, my soul friend,

my anam cara,

how I miss you, long for you.

So far away from me.

So illusive. So out of reach.

Are you as terrified as I am?

that I just might see you too?

I see you too.

And she is beautiful.