Sunday, February 27, 2011

Anything but studying

Procrastination my new BFF…today a 5 mile run with MJ, the studying, then Oscars.  Aside from the fact that it is FAC (Freezing Ass Cold) - I guess I shouldn't complain it's 54 degrees to some of my countrymen that would be cause for sunbathing right now - today looks to be a good day.  But the coffee fail doesn't bode well.

Rain is over for now

Baby Bialetti doesn't like me today

Tail Cozy

Friday, February 25, 2011

Things I am loving right now…..

The barely visible Hollywood sign

On my way to the hematologist to check the hemoglobin levels. Normal now for two months and counting….

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Thursday, February 24, 2011


What ancient part of my lizard brain rears its ugly head when, three hours early for class, I pull into the parking lot at school and see the ominous sign indicating that both lots are FULL. although I have hours yet to study, which could be done in my car as easily a a desk in the library, and I could park and quietly wait for a student to show up and deliver me this prize, I panic.  My adrenal glands show me their mettle, and off we go sailing down the highway of hyperventilation.  They make drugs or this sensation, but I am not taking them, not today.  Because this should not be happening.  I should be smart enough to realize that within the half hour a spot will open up.  The planets are not aligning to deprive me of a place to deposit my car.  But panic I do.  With all the self talk, all the common sense, all the logic in hand, I devolve into a 7 year old freak out tantrum.  It is not pretty and I do not admire myself at all when I do it.

So why do I do it? What fear drives this intense physical, emotional, psychic reaction to something that I know will soon pass?  What on earth is the threat? And why such an intense response to this perceived threat?

I have not run in two weeks.  I have not taken yoga in a month.  I have not meditated in six months.  I am too busy, too happy, too tired, too anything….

Go figure.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Zero Waste Valentines

I have been reading with relish a blog I found recently, which proposes, in a lovely and accessible way, a zero waste (no trash) life style.  She keeps me thinking, a lot, about my trash impact….so in Bea's honor, don't send cards this Valentine's Day..send these Virtual Cards from Kate Spade.

With Love, Love, Love.


A lazy Sunday Morning with a friend

Jack kept the house up last night with his toy chasing and bed hopping…now he is napping in the sunshine while we take our coffee and chat.  Ah the life of a cat.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Up Early looking for Birds

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Friday, February 11, 2011

When things get crazy - I get baking

Proust may not approve, but these are some tasty Madeleines

Thursday, February 10, 2011


So strange, love is.  Hard to pin down, categorize, frame and put on the mantle.  But I know I have it everywhere.  It doesn't alway look the way I would like it to.  But I found this in my daily blog visits and thought I would share it with whomever is out there reading.  This makes me think of my father.  

Deconstruction Continues

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I thought I would wake up with a laurel crown, with a proud chest, held high, and a new strength in my stride.  I had been training for this for months, put in lots and lots of miles, dragged myself out when I was cold, bored, tired, sick of it, but I did.  I showed up.  And on Sunday my legs showed up for me.  People keep telling me it's amazing, what I did, and so fast! So consistent, so strong, and yet I feel blank, sad even, humbled.  How could I have lived so long with so little faith in myself.  So little belief in what I could do, what I could accomplish? But did I accomplish anything? Really? My world has been turned upside down. Broken down, rebuilt.  In this moment 6 men are under my house, jacking up my foundation, tearing out the 80 year old wood, installing stronger, longer, thicker beams, tougher bolts, bringing us up to 2012 code. I sit here, watching the bubble shift to plumb, and the cracks buckling in the walls, the base boards separating from the floor, the creaking, shifting, earthquake noises, clanging, banging and sawing, and I realize the insignificance of this thing that I built up so much in my mind.  So much of how I live is in my vast and vacant mind.  Whole universes reside there, I break them down, build them up, fret over them, make myself sick with judgement, concern, fear.  and yet, when they come to pass, you would think I learned a lesson once in a while, they always turn out to be less than I expected, less than I worried about, like the kid in a monster suit, harmless, toothless, funny even.  For a smart girl, I have a block of wood for a brain.  Oh to live free, without all this noise.  To break it down, and see it for what it is, a long run, a sunday morning spent with strangers, a small achievement, not to be made grand, but not to be dismissed.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


What a girl will do for a free bottle of water and a space blanket...

Race Day

If you had told me a year ago, when I was training for the Tour Decatur, a one mile run around the high school, that today I would be driving to meet 13,000 other runners to run the Surf City Half Marathon, I would have laughed, no, chortled. But I am. Life is truly an amazing mystery.

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Location:Huntington Beach, CA

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Our little farm

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Thursday, February 3, 2011


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Good Morning

A very sunny morning here in Southern California

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Groundhog Day

How do I describe  a love I knew not existed? How do I pretend to understand the depth and breadth of this connection to another?  For all time, I will love you.

Morning coffee alone again

I am anxious for C. to return so the mornings can return to normal...

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Fresh pan de la casa

Patience and my trusty white starter pay off!

Good Morning World

Time to bake bread again…

Foundation Repair

Shortly after I moved into this house I wanted to do a little "repair" work.  There were cracks in the walls, windows, problems here and there, thing that get overlooked, skipped, missed, when life is too busy and you work full time out of the house (and sometimes out of the state).  The house had been silently, sadly, but not maliciously, neglected.  It was in fact, a house, and not yet a home.  After my good friend, bathroom remodeler and old neighbor, Robert came over, we became aware of some foundation issues, and after three quotes, we decided to spend all our vacation and kitchen remodel money having the foundation repaired and house leveled.  The game of Jenga that was holding the house up simply had to go.  We swallowed hard and signed the contract.  Then the ewer main collapsed.  The camera down the muck revealed collapsed WWII clay pipes, under the sidewalk, broken into bits, invaded by roots, and in sad need of replacement.

When you buy a house, you expect a few things to go wrong, but mostly you dream of repainting, new tiles, matching light fixtures, garden projects, throw pillows, and the like.  Expensive yes, but with daily, visual impact, and emotional return on investment.

I visited a cousin's house once, it was a neat and tidy affair, but when I went looking for a bath towel, the cabinets were a jumbled mess, nothing folded, everything shoved in and doors slammed shut.  Like the clown car of organizing, the surface was nice, but underneath it was a chaotic overstuffed mess.

Being one who loves metaphors, I am beginning to see how the last year of my life has been about rebuilding my foundation.  I spent 10 years focused on the paint chips, never realizing that the stucco beneath was crumbling.  I spackeled and spackeled, but never succeeded in covering the real cracks, the cracks in my gently, delicate soul.

I am starting from scratch in so many ways these days.  I have nothing, so I am building again.  But I am starting with the foundation, leveling the floor, repairing the pipes, squaring the corners, repouring the footings, so that going forward the curtains will hang straight, the paint not cover up the flaws.