What ancient part of my lizard brain rears its ugly head when, three hours early for class, I pull into the parking lot at school and see the ominous sign indicating that both lots are FULL. although I have hours yet to study, which could be done in my car as easily a a desk in the library, and I could park and quietly wait for a student to show up and deliver me this prize, I panic. My adrenal glands show me their mettle, and off we go sailing down the highway of hyperventilation. They make drugs or this sensation, but I am not taking them, not today. Because this should not be happening. I should be smart enough to realize that within the half hour a spot will open up. The planets are not aligning to deprive me of a place to deposit my car. But panic I do. With all the self talk, all the common sense, all the logic in hand, I devolve into a 7 year old freak out tantrum. It is not pretty and I do not admire myself at all when I do it.
So why do I do it? What fear drives this intense physical, emotional, psychic reaction to something that I know will soon pass? What on earth is the threat? And why such an intense response to this perceived threat?
I have not run in two weeks. I have not taken yoga in a month. I have not meditated in six months. I am too busy, too happy, too tired, too anything….