An Apology

Thats the thing about life, sometimes you get a chance to set it straight, make it right, say your piece, make your peace, bend a knee, and ask for forgiveness.  And that is the wonder of Facebook, your old friends find you, and give you that chance.  Today I wrote an apology that was 28 years overdue, today I wrote an apology with no hope for redemption, but because it was owed:


Dear ___________

You are so sweet to write me, so sweet to spend the time to share this with me.  Its a lot for me to read, and absorb, and I want to pay it the attention it is due, so let me first start with this:

wow.

Reconnecting with you after all this time has been nothing short of amazing.  I don't even know where to begin to talk about all the things I want to say to you.  Maybe if nothing comes of any of this, its that I had the opportunity to be in contact with you again.

I am quite certain that I owe you a profound apology.

I am quite certain that I hurt you and for that I really am truly sorry.

You were one of my closest friends and I was very very much in love with our friendship.  Senior year was a disaster for so many reasons and I am very very sorry that you had to suffer due to anything I might have done.  I am still not entirely sure how it all happened, what actually happened, and where my responsibility actually lies, but I know that I was in inordinate pain and that I surely caused upset for many people, you amongst them.

I don't know where you went after high school, what you did, how you ended up where you are.  I know nothing of your path.  But to be here, in contact with you, reunited, with some measure of perspective, seems lucky to me.

Please don't take this as an "apology bomb", and please do not feel under any obligation to forgive me, if forgiving is indeed needed, until you are ready.  I just didn't feel comfortable launching into a talk about my current life without setting the past life in order.

I hold you in my heart.

With much love,

Simone